Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Feeling the dread: pregnancy announcements after loss

There’s one thing that has happened to me since I’ve experienced pregnancy loss. Dread of other people’s pregnancy announcements.  They come out of the blue. I can be scrolling through social media mindlessly when *wallop* I’ll see a 12 week ultrasound scan. Or *smack* I see a photo of the happy couple, man gently cupping… Continue reading Feeling the dread: pregnancy announcements after loss

IVF, Miscarriage, Pregnancy

To IVF or not to IVF?

After two miscarriages, at the age of 39 I was referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic at my local hospital.  9 months, an array of blood tests, multiple scans and another miscarriage later, I finally got to meet with a clinic consultant. I was told that my blood test results had come back normal, so… Continue reading To IVF or not to IVF?

Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Waiting, waiting, waiting: accessing mental health services after miscarriage

Given that I’ve just started psychotherapy, 15 months after my first miscarriage, I thought now would be a good time to talk about accessing mental health support via the NHS in England.  Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of fantastic things about the National Health Service, the fact that it’s free, for one. Its… Continue reading Waiting, waiting, waiting: accessing mental health services after miscarriage

Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Third pregnancy, third miscarriage: back to square one

By the time I got pregnant for the third time, my feelings about conceiving had completely changed.  Gone was the instant joy, replaced instead with a confusion of emotions, muted relief that I’d managed to get pregnant and fear that something would go wrong. Gone was the assumption of a carefree pregnancy, replaced instead with… Continue reading Third pregnancy, third miscarriage: back to square one

Miscarriage, Pregnancy

“I can’t do this anymore” Knowing when to stop trying

After our first miscarriage, nobody suggested that we stop trying for a baby. After our second, people encouraged us to keep going - after all, you can only have so much bad luck. Now we’ve had a third, I have noticed a subtle but very definite shift in people’s attitudes.  “Maybe you should wait for… Continue reading “I can’t do this anymore” Knowing when to stop trying

Miscarriage

Miscarriage: the importance (and beauty) of female support

Miscarriage can be the darkest of places.  Initially, you may have to work your way through the hall of horrors when you find out your pregnancy has failed. Fear, adrenaline and a desire to get as far away as possible take over. You might make a temporary stop at the parlour of pain when your body… Continue reading Miscarriage: the importance (and beauty) of female support

Miscarriage, Pregnancy

In the blink of an eye…

2017 was, without doubt, the best year of my life. I was 38 years old and feeling that my life-proper was about to begin. I was overjoyed to marry the man who brightens my life every day. We moved into the first house we had chosen together (rented for now, but nonetheless...ours). Our families came… Continue reading In the blink of an eye…