So, who am I?
I’m Carly, hi!
I’ve been married since 2017 to a very wonderful curly-haired man from Yorkshire. I work (usually) happily in an admin and communications role at a university. I’m 40 years old – yes, the age that nobody wants to be when trying to get pregnant and carry to term (geriatric, anyone?).
Really, other than a few oddities and foibles (and who doesn’t have those?) I’d say I’m a pretty regular woman.
Except I’m in that rare group of women who’ve had 3 consecutive miscarriages.
Why am I writing this blog?
When I had my first miscarriage, I became obsessed with getting pregnant again. It was all I could think about, the only way I believed I could move forward. I truly thought that if only I could get pregnant again straight away, I could pretend that the miscarriage never happened, that it was just a blip with no more significance than delaying my due date by a few weeks.
Of course, now I know that I couldn’t have been more wrong. It just took me a while to realise.
My second miscarriage, a ‘persistent pregnancy of unknown location’ – and suspected ectopic – brought with it significantly more worry than the first. I was in constant fear, my nerves on high alert for signs that my fallopian tubes were starting to rupture. I spent a lot of time over those 6 weeks reading posts about the biology of ectopic pregnancies on forums, as well as trawling through countless research papers trying to make sense of what was happening. It was all very scientific and I read very little about the emotional side of the experience.
When that interminable miscarriage finally ended and I began to deal with the grief, I found that what I desperately needed now was to read about other women going through miscarriage. And while the forums had provided me with some much-needed support initially, I now needed more than just a series of questions and answers, which were very often left open-ended and without a conclusion. I needed fully formed accounts from other women explaining what they had been through, how they felt, what they learnt, and how they planned to carry on.
It was during this time that I began to read other women’s blogs about miscarriage.
The first time I read one I was in floods of tears, for the writer, for me, for everyone who has to deal with this pain. And I very often still shed tears now, even after many months of reading them and after suffering my third and most recent miscarriage. But as painful as they can be to read, I also find them to be immensely valuable.
What I’ve found is that women can provide the most beautiful support network for other women. We often see women portrayed as disloyal, self-serving, jealous and judgemental – and I don’t doubt that there are examples of women like this. But my overwhelming experience has been one of support, comfort and love.
And so I reached a point where I wanted to add my own voice to the many others, for twofold reasons. Firstly, as a way to help myself to figure out how I feel about my three miscarriages, why I feel that way, and what the best way forward is for me. Secondly, I hope that this blog can, in some small way, help to grow this online support network that I have relied on so heavily and gained so much from.