I’ll be starting IVF when my next period arrives. I’ve been impatient to get to this stage, so why aren’t I more excited now I’m here? Basically, I think it comes down to control – or a lack of it. I am someone who uses control to calm myself, to quiet the anxiety that… Continue reading Preparing for IVF: A control freak’s plan
Finding out about our fourth miscarriage - our third missed miscarriage - felt like reliving a particularly bad dream. I hoped we’d never hear the words ‘I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat’ again, but there was the sonographer, going through the now-familiar routine of patting my knee while breaking the bad news. Me and my husband… Continue reading Miscarriage #4: time to stop trying?
Trying to conceive the first time Our first pregnancy happened after 3 months of trying. Three months which seemed endless at the time, but were actually blissfully short now I look back with the benefit of hindsight. At that early stage of trying to conceive, I was waiting, full of anticipation and expectation, to see… Continue reading Beacon of Hope: trying again after loss
Trying to conceive. Sounds so innocuous, doesn’t it, when you say it quickly? But when you’re living it month after month, it has a tendency to take over your life. And not in a good way. My cycle follows an exact pattern every month: Cycle Day 1 (CD1) My period starts: cue disappointment, tears and… Continue reading Slave to the cycle
After our first miscarriage, nobody suggested that we stop trying for a baby. After our second, people encouraged us to keep going - after all, you can only have so much bad luck. Now we’ve had a third, I have noticed a subtle but very definite shift in people’s attitudes. “Maybe you should wait for… Continue reading “I can’t do this anymore” Knowing when to stop trying