I’ll be starting IVF when my next period arrives. I’ve been impatient to get to this stage, so why aren’t I more excited now I’m here? Basically, I think it comes down to control – or a lack of it. I am someone who uses control to calm myself, to quiet the anxiety that… Continue reading Preparing for IVF: A control freak’s plan
When I was about 6 weeks into my first pregnancy, I leant over the kitchen worktop really hard to close a window that was just out of reach. When I was trying to conceive my second pregnancy, I started taking baby aspirin tablets and I carried on taking them after my positive pregnancy test.… Continue reading Why are women blamed for pregnancy loss?
The last few weeks have been pretty eventful in fertility terms. Less than a month ago, I was in hospital having surgical removal of our fourth miscarriage. Since then, we’ve had our genetic testing results and an IVF consultation – both things we were expecting a much longer wait for. Genetic testing of the ‘products… Continue reading Genetic testing results and returning to IVF
After four pregnancy losses, you’d think I’d know what to expect in the days and weeks after miscarriage. But I don't, because each time I’ve found myself in this unenviable position, the aftermath has been different. Miscarriage One After miscarriage #1 came devastation. Not only in an emotional sense, but also the physical changes as… Continue reading The aftermath of loss: what comes after the miscarriage?
Finding out about our fourth miscarriage - our third missed miscarriage - felt like reliving a particularly bad dream. I hoped we’d never hear the words ‘I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat’ again, but there was the sonographer, going through the now-familiar routine of patting my knee while breaking the bad news. Me and my husband… Continue reading Miscarriage #4: time to stop trying?
You know when it’s time to buy a new sofa? You think about it for a while, make the decision, then you go out and buy it. Pretty simple. I also thought it would work like that with starting a family. Think about it for a while, make the decision, get pregnant. Boom. Except for… Continue reading Recurrent miscarriage -> Infertility -> IVF -> Baby?
Last week, on the day the news story broke about miscarriage causing PTSD, depression and anxiety (using this published paper as evidence), I was asked by Yahoo Style UK to share my thoughts. Their questions and my responses are below and the article can be viewed here. I also wrote a blog post on my… Continue reading Mental health after miscarriage: my thoughts
During my three miscarriages, between June 2018 and May 2019, I had watched my weight steadily climb. A combination of hormones and distress, leading to comfort eating, left me seeing numbers on the scale bigger than I’d ever seen before. And I hated it. But I also struggled to do anything about it. It’s a… Continue reading Weighing heavy: obesity, infertility and self-kindness
If my first pregnancy had been successful, we’d have an eleven month-old baby now. If the second had worked out, we’d have an eight month-old. If the third had gone to term, we’d have a newborn baby. But instead, me and my husband are having another Christmas as a family of two. Don’t get me… Continue reading Welcoming in change: overcoming a year of grief
Last weekend, I went on a baby loss retreat. I’d decided to go for a number of reasons (which you can read more about here). Now I’m sharing how it went, what I found useful and whether I’d recommend it to other women who’ve been through miscarriage or baby loss. Day One I arrived at… Continue reading Connecting with grief: my baby loss retreat experience