Finding out about our fourth miscarriage - our third missed miscarriage - felt like reliving a particularly bad dream. I hoped we’d never hear the words ‘I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat’ again, but there was the sonographer, going through the now-familiar routine of patting my knee while breaking the bad news. Me and my husband… Continue reading Miscarriage #4: time to stop trying?
I look at the pregnancy test, taken only to confirm what I already know - another month without getting pregnant. But hang on a minute, what’s that? I can see a faint greyish smudge on my cheapie pregnancy test strip, I’m sure of it. I’ve already thrown my pee away, so I can’t test again… Continue reading Pregnant after loss…again
You know when it’s time to buy a new sofa? You think about it for a while, make the decision, then you go out and buy it. Pretty simple. I also thought it would work like that with starting a family. Think about it for a while, make the decision, get pregnant. Boom. Except for… Continue reading Recurrent miscarriage -> Infertility -> IVF -> Baby?
Last week, on the day the news story broke about miscarriage causing PTSD, depression and anxiety (using this published paper as evidence), I was asked by Yahoo Style UK to share my thoughts. Their questions and my responses are below and the article can be viewed here. I also wrote a blog post on my… Continue reading Mental health after miscarriage: my thoughts
During my three miscarriages, between June 2018 and May 2019, I had watched my weight steadily climb. A combination of hormones and distress, leading to comfort eating, left me seeing numbers on the scale bigger than I’d ever seen before. And I hated it. But I also struggled to do anything about it. It’s a… Continue reading Weighing heavy: obesity, infertility and self-kindness
If my first pregnancy had been successful, we’d have an eleven month-old baby now. If the second had worked out, we’d have an eight month-old. If the third had gone to term, we’d have a newborn baby. But instead, me and my husband are having another Christmas as a family of two. Don’t get me… Continue reading Welcoming in change: overcoming a year of grief
Last weekend, I went on a baby loss retreat. I’d decided to go for a number of reasons (which you can read more about here). Now I’m sharing how it went, what I found useful and whether I’d recommend it to other women who’ve been through miscarriage or baby loss. Day One I arrived at… Continue reading Connecting with grief: my baby loss retreat experience
A couple of months ago, I got a DM from someone on Twitter telling me about a baby loss retreat. She had seen some of my posts online and thought I may benefit from the help it could provide. Cue me sending a tentative email to the organiser and within a week, I was signed… Continue reading Grieving miscarriage: anticipation before a baby loss retreat…
I’ve just found out that my uterine lining is too thin to sustain a pregnancy. This is upsetting in itself, but what I’m really struggling with is...what do I do now? Prior to this, I’ve not had any specific issues I’ve known about - apart from the miscarriages of course - so this is new… Continue reading Desperation and Dr Google
There’s one thing that has happened to me since I’ve experienced pregnancy loss. Dread of other people’s pregnancy announcements. They come out of the blue. I can be scrolling through social media mindlessly when *wallop* I’ll see a 12 week ultrasound scan. Or *smack* I see a photo of the happy couple, man gently cupping… Continue reading Feeling the dread: pregnancy announcements after loss