Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Miscarriage #4: time to stop trying?

Finding out about our fourth miscarriage - our third missed miscarriage - felt like reliving a particularly bad dream. I hoped we’d never hear the words ‘I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat’ again, but there was the sonographer, going through the now-familiar routine of patting my knee while breaking the bad news. Me and my husband… Continue reading Miscarriage #4: time to stop trying?

Miscarriage

Pregnant after loss…again

I look at the pregnancy test, taken only to confirm what I already know - another month without getting pregnant.  But hang on a minute, what’s that? I can see a faint greyish smudge on my cheapie pregnancy test strip, I’m sure of it. I’ve already thrown my pee away, so I can’t test again… Continue reading Pregnant after loss…again

infertility, IVF, Miscarriage

Recurrent miscarriage -> Infertility -> IVF -> Baby?

You know when it’s time to buy a new sofa? You think about it for a while, make the decision, then you go out and buy it. Pretty simple.  I also thought it would work like that with starting a family. Think about it for a while, make the decision, get pregnant. Boom.   Except for… Continue reading Recurrent miscarriage -> Infertility -> IVF -> Baby?

mental health, Miscarriage

Mental health after miscarriage: my thoughts

Last week, on the day the news story broke about miscarriage causing PTSD, depression and anxiety (using this published paper as evidence), I was asked by Yahoo Style UK to share my thoughts. Their questions and my responses are below and the article can be viewed here.  I also wrote a blog post on my… Continue reading Mental health after miscarriage: my thoughts

Body image, infertility, IVF, Miscarriage

Weighing heavy: obesity, infertility and self-kindness

During my three miscarriages, between June 2018 and May 2019, I had watched my weight steadily climb. A combination of hormones and distress, leading to comfort eating, left me seeing numbers on the scale bigger than I’d ever seen before. And I hated it. But I also struggled to do anything about it.  It’s a… Continue reading Weighing heavy: obesity, infertility and self-kindness

IVF, Miscarriage

Welcoming in change: overcoming a year of grief

If my first pregnancy had been successful, we’d have an eleven month-old baby now. If the second had worked out, we’d have an eight month-old. If the third had gone to term, we’d have a newborn baby. But instead, me and my husband are having another Christmas as a family of two.  Don’t get me… Continue reading Welcoming in change: overcoming a year of grief

Miscarriage

Connecting with grief: my baby loss retreat experience

Last weekend, I went on a baby loss retreat. I’d decided to go for a number of reasons (which you can read more about here). Now I’m sharing how it went, what I found useful and whether I’d recommend it to other women who’ve been through miscarriage or baby loss.   Day One I arrived at… Continue reading Connecting with grief: my baby loss retreat experience

Miscarriage

Grieving miscarriage: anticipation before a baby loss retreat…

A couple of months ago, I got a DM from someone on Twitter telling me about a baby loss retreat. She had seen some of my posts online and thought I may benefit from the help it could provide. Cue me sending a tentative email to the organiser and within a week, I was signed… Continue reading Grieving miscarriage: anticipation before a baby loss retreat…

IVF, Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Desperation and Dr Google

I’ve just found out that my uterine lining is too thin to sustain a pregnancy. This is upsetting in itself, but what I’m really struggling with is...what do I do now?  Prior to this, I’ve not had any specific issues I’ve known about - apart from the miscarriages of course - so this is new… Continue reading Desperation and Dr Google

Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Feeling the dread: pregnancy announcements after loss

There’s one thing that has happened to me since I’ve experienced pregnancy loss. Dread of other people’s pregnancy announcements.  They come out of the blue. I can be scrolling through social media mindlessly when *wallop* I’ll see a 12 week ultrasound scan. Or *smack* I see a photo of the happy couple, man gently cupping… Continue reading Feeling the dread: pregnancy announcements after loss