Losing pregnancies, finding hope
The last few weeks have been pretty eventful in fertility terms. Less than a month ago, I was in hospital having surgical removal of our fourth miscarriage. Since then, we’ve had our genetic testing results and an IVF consultation – both things we were expecting a much longer wait for. Genetic testing of the ‘products… Continue reading Genetic testing results and returning to IVF
Finding out about our fourth miscarriage - our third missed miscarriage - felt like reliving a particularly bad dream. I hoped we’d never hear the words ‘I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat’ again, but there was the sonographer, going through the now-familiar routine of patting my knee while breaking the bad news. Me and my husband… Continue reading Miscarriage #4: time to stop trying?
Back at the start of November, me and my husband went for our baseline fertility tests. We’d been referred to the Reproductive Medicine clinic for further investigation, and potentially IVF, after suffering our third miscarriage. We were expecting a long wait, but our appointment with the consultant ended up being only 4 weeks after our… Continue reading Surprise! You’re infertile
I’ve just found out that my uterine lining is too thin to sustain a pregnancy. This is upsetting in itself, but what I’m really struggling with is...what do I do now? Prior to this, I’ve not had any specific issues I’ve known about - apart from the miscarriages of course - so this is new… Continue reading Desperation and Dr Google
There’s one thing that has happened to me since I’ve experienced pregnancy loss. Dread of other people’s pregnancy announcements. They come out of the blue. I can be scrolling through social media mindlessly when *wallop* I’ll see a 12 week ultrasound scan. Or *smack* I see a photo of the happy couple, man gently cupping… Continue reading Feeling the dread: pregnancy announcements after loss
After two miscarriages, at the age of 39 I was referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic at my local hospital. 9 months, an array of blood tests, multiple scans and another miscarriage later, I finally got to meet with a clinic consultant. I was told that my blood test results had come back normal, so… Continue reading To IVF or not to IVF?
Given that I’ve just started psychotherapy, 15 months after my first miscarriage, I thought now would be a good time to talk about accessing mental health support via the NHS in England. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of fantastic things about the National Health Service, the fact that it’s free, for one. Its… Continue reading Waiting, waiting, waiting: accessing mental health services after miscarriage
By the time I got pregnant for the third time, my feelings about conceiving had completely changed. Gone was the instant joy, replaced instead with a confusion of emotions, muted relief that I’d managed to get pregnant and fear that something would go wrong. Gone was the assumption of a carefree pregnancy, replaced instead with… Continue reading Third pregnancy, third miscarriage: back to square one
Trying to conceive the first time Our first pregnancy happened after 3 months of trying. Three months which seemed endless at the time, but were actually blissfully short now I look back with the benefit of hindsight. At that early stage of trying to conceive, I was waiting, full of anticipation and expectation, to see… Continue reading Beacon of Hope: trying again after loss
Trying to conceive. Sounds so innocuous, doesn’t it, when you say it quickly? But when you’re living it month after month, it has a tendency to take over your life. And not in a good way. My cycle follows an exact pattern every month: Cycle Day 1 (CD1) My period starts: cue disappointment, tears and… Continue reading Slave to the cycle
Just another miscarriage 