infertility, IVF, Pregnancy

Surprise! You’re infertile

Back at the start of November, me and my husband went for our baseline fertility tests. We’d been referred to the Reproductive Medicine clinic for further investigation, and potentially IVF, after suffering our third miscarriage.  We were expecting a long wait, but our appointment with the consultant ended up being only 4 weeks after our… Continue reading Surprise! You’re infertile

IVF, Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Desperation and Dr Google

I’ve just found out that my uterine lining is too thin to sustain a pregnancy. This is upsetting in itself, but what I’m really struggling with is...what do I do now?  Prior to this, I’ve not had any specific issues I’ve known about - apart from the miscarriages of course - so this is new… Continue reading Desperation and Dr Google

Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Feeling the dread: pregnancy announcements after loss

There’s one thing that has happened to me since I’ve experienced pregnancy loss. Dread of other people’s pregnancy announcements.  They come out of the blue. I can be scrolling through social media mindlessly when *wallop* I’ll see a 12 week ultrasound scan. Or *smack* I see a photo of the happy couple, man gently cupping… Continue reading Feeling the dread: pregnancy announcements after loss

IVF, Miscarriage, Pregnancy

To IVF or not to IVF?

After two miscarriages, at the age of 39 I was referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic at my local hospital.  9 months, an array of blood tests, multiple scans and another miscarriage later, I finally got to meet with a clinic consultant. I was told that my blood test results had come back normal, so… Continue reading To IVF or not to IVF?

Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Waiting, waiting, waiting: accessing mental health services after miscarriage

Given that I’ve just started psychotherapy, 15 months after my first miscarriage, I thought now would be a good time to talk about accessing mental health support via the NHS in England.  Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of fantastic things about the National Health Service, the fact that it’s free, for one. Its… Continue reading Waiting, waiting, waiting: accessing mental health services after miscarriage

Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Third pregnancy, third miscarriage: back to square one

By the time I got pregnant for the third time, my feelings about conceiving had completely changed.  Gone was the instant joy, replaced instead with a confusion of emotions, muted relief that I’d managed to get pregnant and fear that something would go wrong. Gone was the assumption of a carefree pregnancy, replaced instead with… Continue reading Third pregnancy, third miscarriage: back to square one

Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Beacon of Hope: trying again after loss

Trying to conceive the first time Our first pregnancy happened after 3 months of trying. Three months which seemed endless at the time, but were actually blissfully short now I look back with the benefit of hindsight.  At that early stage of trying to conceive, I was waiting, full of anticipation and expectation, to see… Continue reading Beacon of Hope: trying again after loss

Miscarriage, Pregnancy

“I can’t do this anymore” Knowing when to stop trying

After our first miscarriage, nobody suggested that we stop trying for a baby. After our second, people encouraged us to keep going - after all, you can only have so much bad luck. Now we’ve had a third, I have noticed a subtle but very definite shift in people’s attitudes.  “Maybe you should wait for… Continue reading “I can’t do this anymore” Knowing when to stop trying

Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Pregnant…but where? A pregnancy of unknown location

My second miscarriage was completely different to my first and third for a number of reasons, not least because nobody knew where the pregnancy actually was. Pregnancy of unknown location (PUL) is a term used to describe pregnancies when hcg levels are raised but an ultrasound scan doesn’t show anything in your uterus or Fallopian… Continue reading Pregnant…but where? A pregnancy of unknown location